as a doula, what are my influences & biases?

Yesterday I was hacked on Instagram. I am trying to brace myself for the bad news that that account is lost forever and I have to start from zero again. Hopefully I will get my account back....we will see and I will keep you updated!!

Wow this is going to be a vulnerable post. As a birth worker I would love to say that I have no biases, but I do and every birth worker you come into contact with will have biases and have been influenced by different things in their life. So that is why it is important that you align with them and they know what your goals are and will try to help you reach those goals.

So me, what are mine? Oof, lets start in the beginning I guess. I grew up in a home where I didn't learn a lot about my body and I felt like I couldn't ask questions. Most of what I learned was in school and from my now husband when we were dating. I learned how to put a tampon in when I was 20 on YouTube. I want to make it very clear that I do not fault my parents for this, they did the best they could and taught me the way they thought was best. When I got married, I obviously got onto birth control. I didn't know there were other options. But after about three months, I was feeling more depressed than usual and I went to the hospital because I was so constipated it was painful, my periods were worse than I've ever experienced. I knew that a lot of this had to be from my birth control and there had to be a better way to prevent pregnancies than just hope or prayer. I was right there is, Fertility Awareness Method (FAM).

Thus started my addiction to women's health. I got this book and finished it in a weekend. I loved learning about my body and how it worked. So I got off birth control and followed it, but not exactly. My period had always been super consistent and I could tell you when I would start a year in advance. So I would keep track of my vaginal discharge and guess about when I would ovulate. I am not recommending this method, and I probably should've been a little more careful, but it worked for me and I avoided unwanted pregnancies and we were able to get pregnant this way when we were ready. What I learned from this book, I knew that someday I would work in women's health, I just didn't know how. Women need to know about their bodies and how they work.

My mother is also a huge influence on my life. I find myself almost daily seeing a bit of my mother in me, sometimes it's frustrating but mostly love it. She has given birth to 7 healthy babies and she had one still birth. She has had so many births that she can't keep them straight, but she does know what works for her body and how to get those babies out. She actually hates epidurals and Pitocin. She is more natural in how she cared for us when we were sick. She provided a healthy and balanced diet while we were growing up. I always had a hot breakfast and it was RARE that we went out to eat. She is always questioning what we eat and what Big Pharma is pushing on us through our doctors. I am so grateful I grew up in a home where I could question the status quo. Mom, if you are reading this, I love you and I am so glad you taught me the way you did. I wouldn't be the person I am today without you. You my favorite person to learn from, even when it might seem a little crazy, you always seem to get it right.

When I was pregnant, I was hoping for a natural birth.. it didn't happen and you can read about that here. Anyways my birth didn't go as planned, I was diagnosed with PPD and I started therapy. I was so confused why as a mom I felt so lost. This isn't what my motherhood journey was supposed to be like. I was scared to be with my baby alone, but I was also scared of leaving him in a different room. From my birth, I felt like I wasn't a mom that could make decisions and follow through with them because of how I "failed" during my birth. I have done tons of healing since and I know now, that I did the best I could in my situation.

So what are my biases? I think that women can birth on their own and they don't need a doctor telling them the steps then need to take to get baby out. I think that moms can use their knowledge and intuition to keep her and her baby safe, even when something emergent or problematic comes up. I think that we are taught to fear birth and that's why we rely on someone else to tell us how to birth. I think that laboring in the water is 1000000000 times better than an epidural. I think that any woman with the right support system and mindset can have an empowering birth.