my birth, how it impacts you

Happy New Year! I hope that you had a wonderful holiday season with your loved ones. I wanted to tell you a little bit more about me and why my birth brought me to you. Here is a little bit about me. Why I became a doula to find you.

What you will learn in this post

1. Birth affects you more than just one day of your life

2. Going with the flow isn’t an option

3. You can learn from my terrible birth

I got my dream to be a mama

I grew up in Utah, Alaska, and Georgia. No, I’m not a military brat, my dad just moved jobs a lot. I went to Snow College and got my associates. I met a cute guy in college and married him, he is my rock and keeps me sane, and has been there for every step of our journey. I didn’t know what I wanted to become so I stopped college and just worked in a daycare and then as an assistant scheduler. Eventually, I had my sweet baby boy he is my everything and he is who got me on this journey.

All I ever wanted to be was a mother, so when I peed on a stick and it was positive, all my dreams finally came through. As I prepared to be a mother I read some books, practiced breathing, and exercised. I spent hours on my perfect baby registry that no one really bought from. I told my husband that I wanted a natural birth and that was pretty much it. I did know a fair amount more than the average woman about birth because I was obsessed with women’s bodies and how they developed babies, birthed them, and fed them. I was still kind of scared of birth, but I was confident in my body and what it was capable of doing. I’d heard of doulas while I was pregnant, and I knew that they helped during birth… I didn’t need one though because I was preparing myself for labor. *Insert eye roll* I wish that I would’ve had one, so don’t let that be your mistake too.

Going with the flow isn’t an option

So I had a group of midwives, I didn’t really know any of them because I had a different one almost every appointment. When I expressed wanting a natural birth in one of my appointments, she didn’t really seem to believe that I could do that, but I brushed it off. I should’ve switched providers after that appointment.

My birth was 36 hours, an average labor lasts 12-20 hours. It was long and hard. I ended up on Pitocin and eventually had an epidural. My problem was that my water broke and then my contractions pretty much stopped. Knowing what I know now, I would’ve done so many things differently. My plan was to go with the flow. I wanted to be open to what the nurses and midwives thought was best. I didn’t know that they wouldn’t support me in the way that I needed them to support me. I didn’t know how to support myself. I didn’t know what makes the body stops progressing during labor, I didn’t know how to advocate for myself, and I didn’t prepare with my husband the way that we could’ve so we could work together. I don’t blame myself, I just didn’t know any better. Going with the flow doesn’t work with labor and birth, there are too many decisions and too many unknowns.

You can learn from my terrible birth

I was diagnosed with postpartum depression before I even left the hospital. But anyway, I just felt like motherhood shouldn’t feel this way. I shouldn’t feel the most broken I’ve ever felt after having a perfect and healthy baby. I believe that a lot of my depression came from the lack of support I had during my labor. I can still remember just feeling lost, confused, and scared during those 36 hours. I felt talked over and about, not talked to I don’t want that for you. I want you to know the options. I want you to feel like you are supported in your decisions for your labor, whether you want a home birth or if you want an epidural. You know what’s best and you deserve the best.

I wish that I would’ve had someone in my corner that knew about birth and knew that I could make those decisions. My goal in this is to be kinda like your best friend who knows a ton about pregnancy, labor, birth, and postpartum. Someone who will sit down and have a conversation about what you want out of your birth and how you’re going to prepare for it. We can talk about different options the risks and the benefits. You can make the best decision for you and your baby. No judgment… it’s about you!! I want to be everything to you that I needed.

What are you doing to prepare for labor? Let me know in the comments!!