when your birth goes to $#!%

When you are pregnant, you don't dream of a traumatic birth. You don't dream of it being out of control. But you just never know what is going to happen and it could be. The only thing that we know when we give birth a baby will come out of mom. The condition that the baby comes out is the unknown and we don't know what mom will be like either. So what do you do when you are in labor and it does not go as planned, but you still want to feel like you are making the decisions?

Make a birth plan. I know, I just talked about the birth not going as "planned" and here I am telling you to plan your birth. Stay with me, it will make sense. When you create a birth plan, you are really just learning about birth. You are learning the risks and benefits of an epidural, the pregnancy tests, Pitocin, moving around, strep B and antibiotics, baths, golden hour, vaccines for baby, progression, cervix checks, C-sections, birthing positions, baby bathing or not, pain relief, etc. there is SO much to learn about birth. When you learn about those things before you're in labor then you can still be an advocate for yourself when your birth doesn't goes as planned. Honestly, you should have a birth plan for when your labor doesn't progress or when it becomes emergent that baby needs to come out now. So learn about C-sections even when you are planning to have a natural birth so that you are prepared to make that huge decision. You might not get the birth story you were hoping for and you will come out with some things to work through, but you will feel confident about the choices you will have to make in those hare circumstances. When you learn more, you can rely more on your intuition and trust yourself more. You know what's bet.

Another way is to build a care team that you can trust so you can also have people advocating for you. Having a family member, like a husband or mom that is there to support you and focus on you is super important. It is really helpful to have discussions with that person to let them know what your goals are so they can make those decisions as well when you are not able to. Having a doula is also amazing to have. In studies, it is shown that having a doula helps with moms satisfaction in her labor even when it doesn't go as planned. She can help you with the birth plan, support your decisions, and help keep you aware of what is going on. She is there for you. Make sure that your doula is someone that you are comfortable with because she will be there for one of the most vulnerable times of your life. Finding the right doctor/midwife is also a really important key to feeling supported in your birth. Don't be afraid to ask them if they induce, their stats on C-sections, etc. so you know under what conditions they will intervene. Know that having one intervention can lead to a snowball effect. Your doctor works for you and you can go to a different one.

Remember during those tough times that you are the mom. You know your body and your baby better than anyone else. No two pregnancies are the same and no two labors are the same. You can have an empowering birth even when it doesn't go as planned. You go this mama!!!