transitioning into motherhood

Motherhood is weird. As I begin writing this post, I’m getting ready to go on a trip to Hawaii with just me and my husband. It’s midnight and all I can think about is how much I will miss my baby boy. It’s been two years since he was born and I can count on one hand how many days I have spent without him. But most days, in the afternoon especially, I count down until dad comes home so I can have some kind of a break. While I was gone, it literally felt like I had lost a limb or something... he is my little best friend and my shadow.

When you first have that little baby in your arms, you think “how in the world am I going to do this?!” You now have someone depending on you for everything. You have to learn new skills almost immediately and the world seems to be watching, always. There's no rule book, we literally make it all up as we go!

I watched a mom the other day walking through the mall one kid in the stroller and one on her hip. She looked exhausted, it had obviously been a long day for her. But as I looked at her more, she looked lost. You know the feeling when you don’t know you’re doing or who you are, that kind of lost. I think that every mom feels lost after they have a baby. I’ve been there many of times as a mom. Honestly, sometimes it feels like you wake up to a different kid, so you have to change the kind of mom you are. They’re always learning and growing… and so are you.

Your body will never be the same. Your belly will forever be different, incontinence is an issue (go see a pelvic floor therapist if you do), repairing diastase recti, boobs are changing, postpartum hair loss, just everything is changed. Your body has to heal, you literally have an open wound in your uterus from the placenta. The first few weeks is like deer in the headlights. You have no schedule, but at the same time there is a schedule.. you're just on the baby's schedule. Waking up with the baby. Breastfeeding is hard to get use to, especially when you aren't prepared for it. Breastfeeding isn't a walk in the park, it is a skill that you and your baby learn. Family relationships might be strained. Friendships change, sometimes you lose them, sometimes you gain new ones and sometimes friendship just looks different. We all miss ourselves before we had kids sometimes and that's okay, but it's also amazing when we start to embrace the changes that are being made within ourselves.

In the new mama realm there’s a lot of talk about “getting back to the old me”, but after having a baby I don’t think it’s possible. Having a baby is a transformation into someone new. You know, like when you were going through puberty? Yeah that was terrible, but we all did it and we turned out to be different than what the little kid version of us would’ve thought! It’s like that with motherhood. Or leaving your parent’s home for the first time for college or whatever and learning how to be independent and your own person. It’s a long and hard process, but I think you will love yourself even more.

I never would’ve imagined becoming a doula before I was a mom, but now I’m so happy that I’m here, learning to support women. I stick up for myself a little more than I use to. Boundaries are important to me. I’m more intentional in my relationship with my husband. Actually, I’m a lot more intentional with my life in general because I have a little shadow watching me. My budgeting skills are getting a little bit better! I research more and buy things we need and that will last. God is more connected to me, now that I am caring for one of His children. I am more in tune with who I am and I am honoring the person and mother that God has made me to be.

It’s okay to miss the person you were before, I do it. Honestly though… the woman I was before I was a mom would be so proud of me now and that’s the best thing that motherhood has done for me. It’s made me into someone I never thought I could be happier.

Some things that helped me become Mama

• therapy

• setting boundaries

• trusting myself

• time

• finding an interest outside of motherhood

• exercising & going outside

• a skincare routine

• a planner - I love Golden Coil or the Productivity Planner

• Red Aspen Nails (sounds dumb I know but they just make me feel put together)

What has helped you?! Lmk in the comments! And if you like this post or any of the other ones please share! It helps me so much!!