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PPMD, When to Get Help, What Help Looks Like, & Life After

I know that you hear about postpartum mood disorders (PPMD) all the time now. Living now means that you can usually be open and honest about how you are feeling mentally as a mom. But what is it that we are being honest about? What does a PPMD look like so you can get the help you need? Well, keep reading and hopefully, I can help you with that.


I want to bring you to my hospital room, about 12 hours after I have given birth. My perfectly healthy baby laying safely on the bed. My husband, Austin, and I are staring at him, just being present… or at least I was trying to be present.


It wasn’t working because I kept envisioning hands pushing my perfect, healthy, and safe baby off of the bed. I shake my head to get the thoughts away, it doesn't work.


I pray “Please God, take this away”.

God “Tell Austin”.

“No, please just take this away”.

“Tell Austin”.


I tell Austin. It is the scariest moment in my life. What if they take my baby away? What if I am not a good enough mom? What if I can’t keep my baby safe?


Luckily I had a wonderful nurse who gave me nothing but love, compassion, and reassurance that I was a good mom, I was brave, and that I would keep my baby. We came up with a plan that the nurses would keep my baby while I slept all night. I had a long labor and if you have had a baby at the hospital, you know it isn’t very restful with papers to sign, lactation consultants, nurses coming in and out, etc. So we decided I needed rest. My midwife came and put me on sertraline.


In the morning, I met with a crisis worker. She talked to me any my husband separately. I don’t know what she asked my husband. I don’t really even remember what she asked me. Then someone else came to figure out resources I could go to (I never participated in them). But it was like support groups and whatever else that I wasn’t interested in.


Finally, we came home. It took probably a month for me to feel like I could take care of my baby by myself and that he was safe with me.


I had a week follow-up appointment with my midwife so that they could see if the medication was working and how I was doing. I got a list of therapists to go see. My new focus was finding, making an appointment, and going to a therapist. It was scary, but I lucked out with one that I love. I still go to him and therapy has done wonders for my healing journey.


So what are the signs of PPMDs?

  • Intrusive thoughts - these are the visions of your baby being harmed even though you know he is safe.

  • Feeling very tired

  • Insomnia

  • Feeling out of touch

  • Can’t think clearly

  • Crying often and there may not be a reason

  • Nervous around your baby

  • Mood swings

  • Appetite loss

  • Sadness

  • Irritability

  • Panic attacks

  • Thoughts of harming yourself or your baby

  • Fear that you’re not a good mother


Please know that if you have these feelings or symptoms…


THEY ARE NOT NORMAL and they DO NOT DEFINE YOU AS A MOM.


Getting help makes you BRAVE.


It is insanely brave to acknowledge these feelings, face them and get the help you need to kick them in the butt.


Life after getting help isn’t always easy and sometimes it doesn’t magically go away. After getting help, you may heal your mind quickly or, you might still fight your mind. Things that can help?

  • Therapy, cannot recommend this enough

  • Medication

  • Building your village, find 2 or 3 people in your area that you can call and be honest with how you are feeling

  • Asking and accepting help

  • Routines

  • Exercise, in your favorite form

  • Eating whole foods

  • Resting

  • Finding some hobby, creative outlet, etc.


Do you need more resources?


Thank you for your support as the links below may be affiliate and I earn a commission. See terms here.


 
 
 

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